


Of Sacred Shrines and Strained Beets

by scifinut



Category: Gundam Wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 12:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifinut/pseuds/scifinut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What you are about to read has no excuse. It is not crack fic, it is literally pure crack. It was written by me and a friend during high school English class, going back and forth. There is literally no excuse for posting it aside from the fact that I want to remember the insanity I lived through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Sacred Shrines and Strained Beets

One day our five fine Gundam pilots were walking through the forest. They came upon a clearing where they found a giant, stick shaped green structure. "What is it?" asked Heero, awestruck.

"It is the...the...Sacred Shrine of Green Beans. We must be allowed passage before we enter," an equally awestruck Wufei answered.

"Well, how do we do THAT?" Quatre asked.

"Um, maybe like this." Duo stepped forward, raising his voice. "HEY PRIESTESS OF THE SACRED SHRINE OF GREEN BEANS, MAY WE BE ALLOWED PASSAGE?" All the while, Quatre was trying to hush him.

Trowa, who had been leaning against a tree, leaned forward to smack Duo upside the head. "You fool," he hissed. "What if she's working for OZ? She'll kill us all!"

"How dare you suggest that the priestess of the Sacred Shrine of Green Beans works for OZ? You are WEAK!"

"Excuse me, you called?" A slender, dark-haired woman stood at what appeared to be the door. "I'm the priestess here. You wanted passage or something?" Clad in Amazon-type leather armor, she looked slightly amused at the awestruck looks being cast upon her. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

Heero stepped forward. "We want to come in. Is that a problem?"

The girl smiled. "No." The guys started advancing. "If you introduce yourselves." Dead silence. "What, you expect me to let five strange guys into my house? No way!"

One by one, the young pilots introduced themselves, stepping forward as they did so.

"Great, come on in. Oh, by the way, my name's Emmilyn."

 _5 Minutes Later_  
After the grand tour was done, Emmilyn led the boys into the main room. "Please, take a seat. Any questions?"

"Well, did you ever consider a more normal line of work? Being the priestess at a Sacred Shrine of Green Beans isn't exactly top line work." Duo sat forward in his chair.

"Actually, I wanted to have a Sacred Shrine of Strained Beets, but those can't be grown naturally. Then my next choise was the Sacred Shrine of Rooduhbayguhs, but my cousin's got rutibagas up the street. Green Beans is all that was left. Besides, they're good. You hungry? I have some if you want." All the boys' faces turned green. "Or not."

Emmilyn stepped outside for a minute and the gentlemen started quabbling.

"So why DID we come here anyway?" Quatre asked.

"Because Wufei stopped awestruck and Duo opened his big mouth. If we had kept going on, we would have already finished with the mission," Heero spat.

Trowa, who was leaning against the wall, and Wufei, calmly sitting in a chair, regarded the other three pilots, as Duo blubbered an excuse out. Nobody understood it, but they all caught the part about the naked elves running around in his head.

"WHAT?!" they all chorused.

"Well, whenever I make a bad decision it's really not me, it's the naked elves who live in my head. So it's the elves' fault that we're here, not mine." While everyone regarded Duo somewhat uneasily (well, as it would be expected), Emmilyn walked back in.

"Sorry, guys. Had to check something out for my cousin."

"The one who works at the Sacred Shrine of Rudabegas? STUPID ELVES!"

"Yes, but there's no elves involved. Anyway, before I have to make you leave, let's say rudebegas some more to make the Author think even harder."

A booming voice came from all around them as the pilots jumped. "Thank you very much. I never should have told you I'd spell that word differently every time someone said it."

"Who...or what...was THAT?" Trowa screamed.

"Oh, that was the Author. She writes us into being. She doesn't usually speak here, mostly it's down the street at the Sacred Shrine of roodabaygas."

"I always thought the Author was male," a stunned Wufei commented.

"Well, you really should be going now, but the Author is both male and female. Or just really good at acting. Bye bye now!"

As Emmilyn stood at the door and waved, the five Gundam pilots walked off into the sunset.


End file.
